I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
