Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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