What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
