I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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