Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
