and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They took my balls.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
