My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
