I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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