I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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