Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
