we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just gift wrapped bread.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
