the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
