Pants 0. Shit 1.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
