dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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