I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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