Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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