so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
