just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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