OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
