So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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