Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
