'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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