the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
