it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
porn star boner night. come get it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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