So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
