Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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