just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
