Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
