I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
