she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
