Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
