Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
