so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
