At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
