Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
