so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
