Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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