I can text with my tongue
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
