you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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