Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
