I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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