I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
