I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
