Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
