Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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