Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
