did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
