I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
