Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
