you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
