So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
this boner is exhausting
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
