I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The adults are the big ones right?
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